At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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