dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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