Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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