you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you never un-have a 4some
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
