Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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