Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night I used snow as a chaser
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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