Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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