Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
