The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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