i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
