it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
