I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
