I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
