I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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