it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
