He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
