walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No more Irish car bombs ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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