Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
