They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
