I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
