Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
