So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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