Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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