Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
