he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize