Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
