Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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