Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
