Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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