I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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