i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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