I wish I could punch you in the face.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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