my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
