i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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