You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
