Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
