And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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