Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did i walk over a car last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
