Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
