I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and she was petting her beer can
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
