So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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