Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
