escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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