Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
