I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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