it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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