I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize