There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
