you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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