Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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