apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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