oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
