I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
