When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
