I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
