it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
