I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
