So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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