Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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