I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
