Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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