I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
