You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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