im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
