Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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