"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
