I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
