Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
