The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
