he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
