gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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