So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize